T R A P P E D

I am not really a whinny person or anything like that but right now, it seems that my life has been revolving on one very interesting theme - TRAPPED.

Earlier this year I felt that I was trapped in Boston. I needed to get out. The long winters and the uber-short summers are just getting into me. I felt trapped in my job where it seemed like I have learned as much as I could learn from the position. I felt trapped living in our small (but very pretty!) townhouse. I was quite in a state of discontent. I wanted a way out.

Ah, my prince rescued me from my misery and brought me to...Raleigh, North Carolina. It sounded fantastic. The weather is warmer, the winters are shorter, the houses are cheaper, the people are nicer and the pay is the same. Perfect! We quit our jobs, packed our belongings and placed the for sale sign in front of our house. Greener pastures, here we come!

Life was great. The peaches down South was so good I went to the market everyday for them. Our jobs were pretty fun (denim day every Friday and free soda), our house was under contract and we found our perfect house in a very nice golf (golf!) community. Ah, this is life. We're reaping at least some fruits of our labor.

But life doesn't dish out contentment and happiness just like that. Before we can even announce to our families that "We're Pregnant!" all the world came crashing in.

The first bombshell was the news that the closing on our house isn't going to happen. Our buyers didn't get their mortgage commitment. Apparently their bank pulled too many credit reports on them that caused their credit score to plummet to a point of no return. My question: "How is that my problem!!!" But it is! It felt like walking in your new Armani suit and Jimmy Choo shoes along 5th Ave. ready to make your deal of a lifetime and then slipping on a banana peel that sent your iced herbal chai all over your skirt and you sliding all the way down an open manhole! The sad thing is you can't really sue anyone because you don't know who dropped the banana peel and there is a sign that says, "Beware, Open Manhole". Darn!

We no longer have jobs in Boston and all our stuff are already here so we can't really turn around that quick now! TRAPPED!

The second bombshell fell on my birthday. This is when I say, "Silas & Michelle, sitting on a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. First came love, then came marriage and on May 22 will be Michelle with a baby carriage." Ah, this is supposed to be fun! People pay tons of money for this to happen to them and here I was, getting it quick and easy. I got preggers before I finished reading the article "Pregnancy for Overachievers". I guess I am way ahead of the curve. Anyway, I know this is a happy thing. It's just that it is happening at such a wrong time! I feel like a shaken little girl on a speeding train going to a place of no return called Motherhood - and the ride is making me really, really sick and nauseous! I want to call out "PARA!!!" (this is the way Filipinos tell a driver they want to get off NOW) Next Stop Please!" but there is no way out. TRAPPED!

So now what do I do? I am really thinking of just going back home to Boston. I am promising myself that I won't feel trapped there anymore. I've realized these past months how much I love the place, how much I miss being by the Charles River even when it is frozen. I miss being in my tiny townhome, looking out the baseball field through my bay window, I miss cooking in my nice little kitchen where everything is in order and the dishwasher doesn't stink. I even miss my old job and all my friends there even if beer is free and soda isn't. Right now, I really don't mind having my life revolve around the word "TRAPPED" if it meant I was trapped in Boston and when springtime comes I'll have my baby wrapped in my arms.